short

subhanallah alhamdulillah allahuakbar..

bismillah..fuhh fuhh it's been long since my previous post.

Well, im not gonna lie that i will only post something up when im feeling a little bit down..owh, maybe not so little. Seeee, i wasnt down for a long time, this current down-feeling is massive!

i wanna talk about it here.. but there's no word that i could use to describe it.. Ya Rabb, it hurts me..
Allah is the Most Merciful..Hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakil..

i just wanna forget everything for a second :(

weeee~

Pekan Tarbiyah :)

di sana, ak bertemu seorang akhawat..serupa kamu.

cara pakainya, tutur katanya..sama.

saling tak tumpah.

rindu ;')

Milson Point- 1st Dec 2011

p/s: dia pun penggeli jugak hehe

trust

bila dah tak tsiqah, apa pun tak jadi :(

betullah, it takes years to build, a second to break and a life-time to fix. kalaulah it can be fixed.


p/s:

2weeks before the practicum end. insyaAllah will be having the last observation on this wednesday. pray for me  people :)..
life as a student will be back very sooon..

Hati

ada yang bertanya "bukankah syaitan terusir dengan zikir? ku lazimkan berwirid namun masih terasa hadir.." Jawab Al-Ghazali, "kau bisa menghalau anjing tapi ia akan tetap datang jika ada aroma tulang. Walau zikir tidak henti, syaitan akan tetap datang kembali selama hati kotor dan dengki.."

susah kan nak jaga hati? huhu
susah tak susah, kena jugak jaga! yeahh!

School mode: off

i know that ive been bragging about how calm i was for the prac two weeks ago. but things do not seem to fall into places today. everything seems so wrong! i never had this kind of heavy feelings about going to school...until today. i was really really hard on myself. i woke up early but i decided to not just really wake up until it was quite late. i prepared the lesson half heartedly and im really in the mood of raya still. i miss home. after 2 years been away for raya, this is supposed to be the time. i need a longer hols. kbye. whining. the main thing is, the class was a disaster just now. i need to start up my engine fast. tmrw and the next day got observation.


Ya Allah, keep me calm and cool and stay positive and kind and nice and not a hypocrite and a lover.
Ya Allah, pls help me and my friends esp the one who texted me just now for she is having the same problem as mine. Keep the students and us cool :D

because im a teacher the painter, the students are my canvas. once painted, no matter how hard you try to clean it, there are still gonna leave some stains on it. be good syamim. gambatte!

Ruuuu

tonite's post is dedicated to my rumet :)

dear rumet, it's always a pleasure to see you doing so well in ur prac. i dont know whether you even realise it or not, but you seem to enjoy doing all these prac stuffs more than you think, perhaps. you're singing at 1 am while doing the lesson plan, isnt it a good sign, rite?

i remember before we started the prac, we promised to be strong and keep calm through the prac. and yeah! we did it. it has just been a month of prac but i think we went through a lot of things, kan..

but, this Ramadhan, my double pleasure to see you is when i woke up in the middle of night just to see you were praying, im not sure, guess it gotta be tahajud. then, to see you did dhuha prayer, lots of quran recitation, it really touched me.

just wanna say, im proud of you. and i pray to Allah, to keep you in company and make you a strong girl and to keep istiqamah in whatever good things you're doing.

p/s: cicak cicak cicak :P

owh esok sekolah, skolah, nite2 penang.

malam Ramadhan 24..

;B

i know ive said this thousands, millions timesss. but, again, I MISS SYDNEY! Ramadhan in Sydney had thought me a lot of things and i just couldnt think Malaysia would somehow replace those experiences ive gained over there.

Some of the facts that i remember about the Ramadhan there..

I still remember...

1) the very first time i took the decision to wear my hijab full time..it wasnt an easy decision i must admit. for me, to wear the hijab would absolutely mean 'im a new person, dont judge me'.. it means that I AM A COMMITTED MUSLIM and not just a muslim by name, and to be a muslim among the non-muslims is kinda a heavy job. people around me are looking at me as a muslim and not only some foreigner student. but the feeling to wear the hijab among the non-muslims was undescribeable. it was awesome kind of feeling, i was so proud with my hijab and AM still proud of it :).

2)how baitul warith would always celebrating the 30 days of Ramadhan.. it was superb. i have never had the kind of overwhelmed feeling to celebrate Ramadhan beforehand. when i say Ramadhan, it is not the bazaar and the food..but rather the sense of Allah's mercy surrounds me. it is so calming, i remember how i started to feel that terawih is a MUST or more like COMPULSORY to me. i did it because i really want it. not that i was forced! and baitul warith was a place where ive always set a high target like ' yeah, im up for the challenge to finish the whole Quran this Ramadhan' though i never did, but yeah, the effort and spirit that count ;D

3) did i say that ramadhan is not about the food? well, not really actually.. i love oz's food. i love the kebab and i love everything about the fish and chips, chicken schnitzel, pide, pizza etc etc etc <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">

4) this is the time when we mingled a lot more with the other muslims from different background as we did our iftar together in the musolla if we happened to have class at that time. the arabs, the indonesians, the pakistanis and all. i miss them really, even we're not close. 

Tazmazia, Tasmania..

well, i actually know that there are a lot more than these but i just couldnt write more. gotta go to bed now. big day tomorrow ---> siapkan teaching aids dan lesson plan perlukan tidur yg cukup, tenaga yg banyak..

tonite is the 23rd nite of ramadhan..

Ya Allah, temukanlah kami dgn laitatulqadar MU

Allahumma innaka 'awuffun kareem, tuhibbul 'afwa fa'fu annee :)

p/s: doakan kami~

:D

The only person that i need to be right now is the better me than yesterday. Seriously, i don't need comparison :) but for all, thank you!

Bismillah utk hari2 practicum seterusnya! yoshhh kame kame haaa

At times I feel that the sun is hidden by a hazy sky

And the lights around me hide the moon at night

I know that you are closer than the veins that keep me living

Cause all around me I feel your mercy

Subhanallah <3

p/s: meeting jenny and pamela really makes me feel better :)

Wahan

ini cerita tentang seorang budak perempuan, dia nie boleh tahanlah rajin jugak solat diawal waktu.. kalau tgh buat esaimen ke, tgok tv ke, tgh shopping ke, terus dia berhenti jap sebab nak solat. yelah, solat awal kan baik, lepas solat siap2, byk benda lain boleh buat, boleh makan, tgok bola, main netball, sambung shopping dan macam2 lagilah..- dia cakap.

tapi, satu hari ditakdirkan satu barang berharga dia rosak. lama dia cuba repair barang dia tu. lamaaaa sgt dia rasa dah tak sabar. barang tu sgt berharga dan sgt penting dan sgt urgent! dari malam semalam dia cuba, hari nie cuba lagi..tak jugak elok2..'Ya Allah, dugaan apa nie?, dahlah baru beli yang baru sebab yang dulu rosak..pastu nak rosak lagi ke?' 

dia tak berhenti, cuba jugak repair. mmg tak boleh. nak putus asa, tapi tak boleh. sebab baru beli. sampailah hari ini, dari lepas zohor smpai ke asar dia cuba lagi, tak tidur  sekejap pun walaupun mengantuk di tahap dewa dah. tapi bila nak dekat asar tu, ngantuknya tak terkawal, sabarnya tak tertahan, dia pun ambil keputusan utk tidur tanpa bersolat asar; sedangkan azan baru saja berkumandang...dia kata, dia penat, kenapa Allah tak tolong dia? kenapa rosakkan barang dia? kenapa? kenapa? kenapa? byk sgt kenapa smpai dia rasa kecewa. dia ambil keputusan utk tidak solat asar (yet) sebab marah sgt, ngantuk sgt, tak sabar sgt.. :(- kesian dia, wahan dah mengikat hati dia!!!! Allah :( kesian sgt kat dia...

lepas tu, dia terbangun tidur ada org kejutkan dia, tanya pasal barang berharga dia..dia bangun merungut2 barang dia rosak. (sedihnya, dah dapat hidup semula pun taknak Alhamdulillah :(..) orang tadi tu, tgok2 barang dia, tadaaaaa, dalam masa kurang dari 20 minit, barang dia dah sembuh! dah boleh pakai! dia suka sgt, dia happy, dia sebut Alhamdulillah...

***************************************

nak tgok ar-rahman ar-rahim nya Allah tu, hambaNya tak solat pun lagi, siap marah2, siap merungut2, dari sebelum tidur smpai bangun tidur...tapi, Dia hantar seseorang utk tolong hamba Dia tu.. Dia biar hamba dia gembira, Dia buat hambaNya semyum lagi..

tapi budak perempuan tu, apa balasannya kepada Maha Pengasih?

p/s: dicengkam wahan. tak tahulah org lain macam mana. tapi keadaan sgt kritikal, genting, sabar dah kurang, amal merosot..memang patutlah kau syamim. 

sesi muhasabah dan mujahadah

week 2

mungkin, praktikum kini, adalah masa utk ak mula kembali mencari diri,

menilai sejauh mana tarbiyah yg cuba digenggam erat- membawa kesan, atau hanya omong kosong.

praktikum kini, perang yang bukan perang fizikal. tapi perang mental,

sejauh mana ak bersedia utk menempuh fasa baru dalam kehidupan.

masih bergelar pelajar, masih bujang, janganlah mengeluh panjang.

mungkin nanti, sudah berkerjaya, berkeluarga, perangnya bakalan lebih panjang,

tak nampak penghujung.

dugaan kita berbeda2, tapi, sakit utk empunya badan mungkin sama saja.

jadi, jangan putus asa.

sabarlah. inikan baru minggu kedua :)

p/s: curi2 masa update blog. sibuk betul dengan duniawi. sabtu nie dah ramadhan, harap dipermudahkan utk menambah pahala berganda bonus. yeahh strive for it!

duhhh

it has been a week of practicum. out of the room as early as 6.30am and coming back as late as 5.00pm has made me drain out of energy. i have a lot to say but i just cant write many now, because school gives me fever and cold and sore throat. im so pathetic T__T.

Ya Allah, keep me strong and healthy.

Tonight

Tonight, i predict myself will barely sleep with closed eyes. I predict that im not gonna have a 'good-night-sleep' before it's even started. The practicum. It's tomorrow T.T..and i have this very overwhelming feeling right now that i feel like my heart is going to explode real soon. BOOOOOM! ahhhhh. im so terrified. The fact that my heart berbolak balik less than in a blink of an eyes is quite expected but im just not ready for it yet. oh no. i feel like "oh no, im gonna die". okay, big lol for me. i wake up this morning with lots of thinking

of what im gonna do tmrw? 

what should i bring? 

should i prepare a pre-lesson plan? 

what im going to wear? 

what kind of teacher should i be, the fun one or really fierce? 

can i even be a fierce teacher? duhhh

should i even bring the teaching aids on the first day?

 what time should i wake up for tmrw? 

what im gonna do with my small voice? 

will the students mock my voice? 

ahhhh. the thinking does not seem to stop till now. those silly questions and answers session in my head is doing no good. then i remember,

haha. stop worrying syamim. because the only thing i should be doing now is waiting. JUST WAIT. tp penantian itu satu penyeksaan.haha

okay, though i expect the worst to come for this prac, im just gonna try to enjoy it and beat the pressure professionally.

hasbunallah wa nikmal wakeel <3 cukuplah Allah sebagai penolong dan sebaik2 pelindung. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan Syamim dan Haziqa Anis serta seluruh manusia lain yang sedang berusaha dan bertarung dalam segala apa jenis bentuk pun. Kerana praktikum kali ini adalah salah satu perang utk kami, Ya Allah, berilah kemenangan utk kami, tenangkan hati kami, tautkan hati, lembutkan hati anak2 murid kami, supervisor kami dan guru pembimbing kami, berkatilah masa kami, redhailah usaha kami sebagai pendidik anak bangsa.

Semoga Engkau redha dgn usaha kecil kami.

NAK JADI HEBAT KENA SABAR!

things ive been doing lately is to constantly remind myself that everything that surrounds me is the tarbiyyah. for me to be better, to be more considerate, to have more patient, and foremost is to make me closer to Him. never regret. Ya Allah, make my heart grow stronger, tougher and healthier. People, make du'a for me plsss :)

p/s: to monologue is my pure talent

practicum is next week. this blog could turn out to be a teacher's- to-be  reflection thingy.

.

:(
so i sad, im frustrated, i cried huhu
and i keep on thinking bout the things i hate the most.
tp fikir balek, i should never think about it. 
what for if it's only gonna bring more negative aura in me..
haishh.
so today, i decided to let it go.
im not gonna be sad, but be AWESOME instead! yeah!
sebab Dia ar-rahman, ar-rahim :)

p/s: datang dengan harapan, pulang dengan kejayaan! YOSHHH!

;D

dear friends,

tho i might not be the one to text you or call you everyday, but pls know that i remember you guys in my prayer everyday :) Wish to hold hands with you guys there, in Jannah ;D

:]

Sekitar Pilihanraya Presiden Mesir :

Mereka (A) bertanya kepada (B)

A : bagaimana kamu memilih Muhammad Mursi sedangkan kamu kristian?

B : Jadi siapa yg sepatutnya aku pilih?

A : Ahmad Syafiq !

B : mengapa ?

A : Apakah kamu tak dengar bahawa dia berjanji akan menghapuskan ayat al-Quran dalam silibus pembelajaran ?

B : Memang aku dengar. Sebab itulah aku memilih Muhammad Mursi!

A : Kenapa pula(pelik)?

B : "sesiapa yg tidak menjaga agamanya, tidak mungkin akan menjaga agama aku ( kristian )"


taken from: Kelab IKRAM Mesir

macam mana nak jaga agama? start dengan SOLAT. SOLAT. :)

mind rant 2

tahukah anda?

kini, setiap kali mendengar berita di tv, ada saja kes bunuh dan kebanyakannya sebab dendam! grudge! manusia, kenapa biarkan marah dah dendam menguasai diri? mengapa biarkan diri kita dikawal syaitan? sedangkan ramai juga tahu yang marah itu kalau tidak dikawal, ibaratnya dicurah2nya minyak ke dalam api, makin kuat maraknya!

kenapa sampai berbunuh? mungkin sahaja terasuk melihat banyak pembunuhan di middle east. tp mereka berjuang utk agama. ini pulak bunuh sesama agama. Astagfirullah. kenapa ye? belum cukup byk kekacauan ke, dalam dunia nie? perlukah tambah? ades.

there is a saying, 'holding a grudge is like drinking a poison and waiting for your enemy to die'... holding ur grudge will just kill urself in the end. it's eating you up. I know that sometimes it is so hard to be patient but to berlapang dada is the way. try to channel ur anger to something more beneficial or thru sports which i found is really good in making you feel better.


indeed, whoever isnt showing mercy to others, Allah then will not show mercy to them! Allahuakbar. do you want the ar-rahman ar-rahim to show you no mercy?

forgive and forget.
forgive and forget.
forgive and forget.

a reminder for me for i've always holding grudge. Astagfirullah.

maafkan mereka sebelum tidur. and hopefully they forgive me too :(



p/s: krisis umat tenat. utk org veteran pun buat rancangan menyanyi realiti. i just dont get this people  >:( ... marah.

23

firstly,

jazakunallahu khairan kathira for all the nice and beautiful wishes for my birthday, everyone. it was indeed a reminder and also a force for me to be a better person at this time of age. huhu. 23 is quite a big number right? im feeling it..im feeling it.. it feels like a huge stone is put on me. but im guessing the imaginary stone is never gonna beat bilal's ;)

                                                       **********************

secondly,

i really miss macquarie :( this time it is as specific as macquarie and not sydney as a whole, probably because i spent most of my time there. hehe..i just really miss my route back from the library to baitul warith. to walk pass by the greens kat belakang library, rumah orang tua, the bus stop, woollies especially, every night in the cold.. really, i miss those moments. i would always walk out of the library and look up to the sky and kinda talk alone to myself while walking to gain some comfort. and occasionally, i have a cute friend who literally accompanied me back home or just through the phone :)..

emmm, im not sure whether i miss the place or the people..haihhh

                                                  *******************************


thirdly,

im so disappointed right now. sgt kecewa T______T. it doesnt really end up well. T_____________T.


p/s: Ya Allah, ajarlah ak biar meletak harapan hanya padaMu :(

Makcik

Last nite, on my way back from Bukit Bendera, i saw a very self-reflecting scene. Well, i couldn't deny that im learning to look at something from 'a' perspective nowadays since i used to be someone who looked at something with an empty thought. it was pathetic not to have something to think though. i wanna be critical and empathic now ;) hehe.

we stop the car at the red light. next to us is a Chinese restaurant. Yeah, Penang has tonnes of Chinese restaurant and i am someone who is very very emmm let say, very much uncomfortable and sensitive when it comes to food thingy which is to be specific it if has to do with the chinese food n restaurant. im sorry, but the chinese do love to eat 'that' animal, right? and i know this because i have few chinese friends. i think, there are many people like me who cant even walk pass by a chinese restaurant. i remember last time that we had to pass by a chinese restaurant to get to the line clear's mamak. i hold my breath as long as i can so that at least i wont get to smell anything from the restaurant. i know this sound like racist, but really, i am not a racist.

back to the story, apparently, in the chinese restaurant there was someone in baju kurung complete with hijab in the restaurant. She was sitting on a very small bench in the middle of the restaurant and was doing some dishes. it was really a heart-breaking moment that i felt like crying and even feel like crying while typing this. i cant help but thinking that life must be treating her tough and rough. to be able to sit there must take a whole courage and strength. her determination moved me :'(. that mak cik could be someone like me in the very beginning but decided to survive her life and do whatever it takes to live.

it made me thinking.

bapelah anak makcik tu eh? mesti ramai kot..

bape gaji makcik tu eh?.

mak cik mesti dah try cari keje kat kedai melayu, kan?huhu

after working in such condition, i think that makcik is very strong. the fact that she stills wearing her hijab and baju kurung to cover her aurah is an amazing thing. She can choose to not to wear hijab and even wear like the others in the restaurant and pretend like she's one of them and no one outside, observers, like me would notice her. but yet she chooses to be proud of her islam. Wah, makcik, anda sungguh ghuraba'!

syabas makcik! 

Dari Rasulullah s.a.w; islam itu dalam keadaan dagang (asing) dan akan kembali dagang (asing). maka beruntunglah orang yang dagang..

                                                                                                        H.R Muslim

p/s: i wanna be ghuraba' too. tp nak jadi ghuraba' kene kuat! nak jadi kuat kenelah pegang tali Allah erat2 :D

Small

i sometimes just look at the trees and not the forest. concerning over small things, that i miss it as a whole.   and that is when life's becoming miserable -_-"... but really, small things really matter, no? how could you make a plain bread when you use wholemeal flour with bits of wheat? though the wheat are small, but it changes the whole bread taste and even look!

roti sedappp

So, small things matter.

Perhaps, the same thing goes to our heart. When we decided to change and become someone better, it's best for us to leave out the rest of the bad things we used to do, so that the heart is not contaminated. We cant possibly be real good when we still hve pieces of jahiliyah in us. yeah, that's the hardest part, and i dont really think that there's anyone one earth except for the prophet who could actually be free from the jahiliyah. and jahiliyah could be big and could be small. and even the smallest one would give at least the slightest impact on our life. for me, i wanna sleep less. though it's kinda small, but it really affects my daily life routines. i hate it. xpelah, at least i am willing to give it a try. try kan. efforts that count!



 hehe PEACE ^.^