Wednesday, May 30, 2012

mind rant 2

tahukah anda?

kini, setiap kali mendengar berita di tv, ada saja kes bunuh dan kebanyakannya sebab dendam! grudge! manusia, kenapa biarkan marah dah dendam menguasai diri? mengapa biarkan diri kita dikawal syaitan? sedangkan ramai juga tahu yang marah itu kalau tidak dikawal, ibaratnya dicurah2nya minyak ke dalam api, makin kuat maraknya!

kenapa sampai berbunuh? mungkin sahaja terasuk melihat banyak pembunuhan di middle east. tp mereka berjuang utk agama. ini pulak bunuh sesama agama. Astagfirullah. kenapa ye? belum cukup byk kekacauan ke, dalam dunia nie? perlukah tambah? ades.

there is a saying, 'holding a grudge is like drinking a poison and waiting for your enemy to die'... holding ur grudge will just kill urself in the end. it's eating you up. I know that sometimes it is so hard to be patient but to berlapang dada is the way. try to channel ur anger to something more beneficial or thru sports which i found is really good in making you feel better.

indeed, whoever isnt showing mercy to others, Allah then will not show mercy to them! Allahuakbar. do you want the ar-rahman ar-rahim to show you no mercy?

forgive and forget.
forgive and forget.
forgive and forget.

a reminder for me for i've always holding grudge. Astagfirullah.

maafkan mereka sebelum tidur. and hopefully they forgive me too :(

p/s: krisis umat tenat. utk org veteran pun buat rancangan menyanyi realiti. i just dont get this people  >:( ... marah.



jazakunallahu khairan kathira for all the nice and beautiful wishes for my birthday, everyone. it was indeed a reminder and also a force for me to be a better person at this time of age. huhu. 23 is quite a big number right? im feeling feeling it.. it feels like a huge stone is put on me. but im guessing the imaginary stone is never gonna beat bilal's ;)



i really miss macquarie :( this time it is as specific as macquarie and not sydney as a whole, probably because i spent most of my time there. hehe..i just really miss my route back from the library to baitul warith. to walk pass by the greens kat belakang library, rumah orang tua, the bus stop, woollies especially, every night in the cold.. really, i miss those moments. i would always walk out of the library and look up to the sky and kinda talk alone to myself while walking to gain some comfort. and occasionally, i have a cute friend who literally accompanied me back home or just through the phone :)..

emmm, im not sure whether i miss the place or the people..haihhh



im so disappointed right now. sgt kecewa T______T. it doesnt really end up well. T_____________T.

p/s: Ya Allah, ajarlah ak biar meletak harapan hanya padaMu :(

Sunday, May 20, 2012


Last nite, on my way back from Bukit Bendera, i saw a very self-reflecting scene. Well, i couldn't deny that im learning to look at something from 'a' perspective nowadays since i used to be someone who looked at something with an empty thought. it was pathetic not to have something to think though. i wanna be critical and empathic now ;) hehe.

we stop the car at the red light. next to us is a Chinese restaurant. Yeah, Penang has tonnes of Chinese restaurant and i am someone who is very very emmm let say, very much uncomfortable and sensitive when it comes to food thingy which is to be specific it if has to do with the chinese food n restaurant. im sorry, but the chinese do love to eat 'that' animal, right? and i know this because i have few chinese friends. i think, there are many people like me who cant even walk pass by a chinese restaurant. i remember last time that we had to pass by a chinese restaurant to get to the line clear's mamak. i hold my breath as long as i can so that at least i wont get to smell anything from the restaurant. i know this sound like racist, but really, i am not a racist.

back to the story, apparently, in the chinese restaurant there was someone in baju kurung complete with hijab in the restaurant. She was sitting on a very small bench in the middle of the restaurant and was doing some dishes. it was really a heart-breaking moment that i felt like crying and even feel like crying while typing this. i cant help but thinking that life must be treating her tough and rough. to be able to sit there must take a whole courage and strength. her determination moved me :'(. that mak cik could be someone like me in the very beginning but decided to survive her life and do whatever it takes to live.

it made me thinking.

bapelah anak makcik tu eh? mesti ramai kot..
bape gaji makcik tu eh?.
mak cik mesti dah try cari keje kat kedai melayu, kan?huhu

after working in such condition, i think that makcik is very strong. the fact that she stills wearing her hijab and baju kurung to cover her aurah is an amazing thing. She can choose to not to wear hijab and even wear like the others in the restaurant and pretend like she's one of them and no one outside, observers, like me would notice her. but yet she chooses to be proud of her islam. Wah, makcik, anda sungguh ghuraba'!

syabas makcik! 

Dari Rasulullah s.a.w; islam itu dalam keadaan dagang (asing) dan akan kembali dagang (asing). maka beruntunglah orang yang dagang..
                                                                                                        H.R Muslim

p/s: i wanna be ghuraba' too. tp nak jadi ghuraba' kene kuat! nak jadi kuat kenelah pegang tali Allah erat2 :D

Thursday, May 17, 2012


i sometimes just look at the trees and not the forest. concerning over small things, that i miss it as a whole.   and that is when life's becoming miserable -_-"... but really, small things really matter, no? how could you make a plain bread when you use wholemeal flour with bits of wheat? though the wheat are small, but it changes the whole bread taste and even look!

roti sedappp

So, small things matter.

Perhaps, the same thing goes to our heart. When we decided to change and become someone better, it's best for us to leave out the rest of the bad things we used to do, so that the heart is not contaminated. We cant possibly be real good when we still hve pieces of jahiliyah in us. yeah, that's the hardest part, and i dont really think that there's anyone one earth except for the prophet who could actually be free from the jahiliyah. and jahiliyah could be big and could be small. and even the smallest one would give at least the slightest impact on our life. for me, i wanna sleep less. though it's kinda small, but it really affects my daily life routines. i hate it. xpelah, at least i am willing to give it a try. try kan. efforts that count!

 hehe PEACE ^.^

Tuesday, May 15, 2012


orang kata,

"kalau mahu dikecewakan, letaklah harapan pada manusia.."

kerana manusia hatinya tak tetap, keputusannya boleh berubah-ubah, mood nya berayun-ayun, lalu, memang sukar untuk setia pada satu pilihan dan jawapan. Tentu ada saja kalau-kalaunya, pasti kalau bukan sekarang, esok lusa mungkin juga tulat keputusannya berubah...tentu bukan semua begini, tapi ramai.

"sudah dikabarkan hatinya berbolak-balik. tapi kenapa masih bergantung harap?" -meletakkan Yang Satu itu nombor dua..ahh, nama pun nombor satu, kenapa mesti dipinda kebelakang? manusia, suka berbuat suka hati saja. manusia, itu aku. ak sedang monolog dalaman. bercakap tentang lemahnya diri, futur diri ak makin kejauhan. ditinggalkan jauh kebelakang dalam arus yang patutnya ak lari kedepan, kejar! bukan menonggok bak batu karang. "Sulit ya situasi ini... bila bermain dgn hati".

ak melihat, ak merasa terjatuh dalam kawah yang amat dalam, gelap tika ini..ada ketulan keras dalam diri. ketulan yang menentukan baik jahatnya aku. dan keras itu bersamaan dengan jahat, kan?

tapi, yang pasti, ak manusia. lalu aku ingin meletak harapan pada diri sendiri, biar saja aku mungkin akan kecewa lagi. kecewa dengan diri sendiri kerana tidak memenuhi tuntutan rohani, menzalimi diri sendiri. tapi tetaplah tidak salah utk ak meletak harapan yang tinggi tapi logik lagi realistik! Ini harapan and only. Redha dan syurga Allah. Indeed, janjiNya benar. Lalu, kayu ukurnya mujahadah dan istiqamah!

“Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): “Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan-perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa sesungguhnya Dialah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani.”
Az Zumar: 53

jgn. jgn putus asa!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012



 i feel weird.

everything seems so weird.

im a weirdo :(

i dont feel normal.

my heart beats faster than ever!

im not sure, but i must be thinking of something.

and i think i need to tell this something to someone.

but i just find no one to tell this something.

which actually i dont even know what is this something.


Tuesday, May 8, 2012


teringin nak jadi macam hujan..

amukannya menghasilkan air,

sejuk, basah, lepas dengar guruh,

terus tak jadi marah..

teringin nak jadi hujan..

amukannya memuntahkan pelangi..

pelangi yang warna-warni.

semua yang memandang pasti tak lelah..

teringin nak jadi macam hujan.

dengar bunyi je dah rasa nyaman,

rasa segar, rasa tenang..

ahhh indahnya bunyi hujan.

teringin nak jadi macam hujan.

walau ada yang membenci,

dia tetap turun lagi,

tp bukan utk kepentingan sendiri..

kenapa ramai yang tak sedar ini? :(

Selamat Hari Ibu <3

rain makes everything better

p/s: :(

kalau sebenarnya, tarbiyah itu melembutkan hati, tapi kenapa jadi begini? :(

Sunday, May 6, 2012


ibu selalu excited bila suruh tgok shahir keluar kat TV. adesss. and that's not one of my favourite things to do -_-".. tp, his saying at that time struck me...

"Dalam satu perjalanan, untuk menuju ke destinasi, kita akan perlukan bekalan. Kita cari bekalan dan bawa bekalan itu sampailah kita selamat tiba ke destinasi. Tapi kadang-kadang, bekalan kita tu habis dan sering kali tercicir ditengah jalan. Bila sedar akan kehilangan bekal tu, mungkin kita patut patah balik, cari semula bekalan yang keciciran tu, utk smpai ke destinasi.."

that's not exactly his words but the gist is there. he makes me thinking...rasanya kene kutip balek kot bekalan tu, barulah boleh berpicnic later on! tp, in a way nak kutip balek pun ada caranya. kene track back our way then only we could find it. as for me, bekalan tu, sebenarnya, dah tertinggal....tertinggal kat sydney T.T. owhh kene balek sydney kot?? heh.

p/s: home and away ;)

malam nie bulan besarr! Bulan, smpaikan salam rindu eh hehehe

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


Life is about making choice. and it's not just about making choice, but making The right choice.
and we sometimes could be so indecisive that leave us to make no choice at all. Thinking as if there is a middle path.

Sedangkan sudah diberitahu, hanya ada dua jalan, yg benar atau yang salah, yang kanan atau yang kiri. Tegarnya kita, egonya kita memilih utk berada ditengah-tengah. Tengah-tengah, yang langsung tidak disebut tentangnya. Berada dalam state of denial which is the act of refusing to choose.

Under the blanket,

everything is blurry,

everything is fake.

To stay in that state,

to immerse in the haze,

you can't see clearly,

you barely can gaze.

you can always listen,

but why pretending like a deaf?

are we just looking, but not seeing?

are we just hearing, but not listening?

are we reading and yet refuse to understand?

acting like you dont care?

so, is it right or is it left?

p/s: kompleks.