weeee~

Pekan Tarbiyah :)

di sana, ak bertemu seorang akhawat..serupa kamu.

cara pakainya, tutur katanya..sama.

saling tak tumpah.

rindu ;')

Milson Point- 1st Dec 2011

p/s: dia pun penggeli jugak hehe

trust

bila dah tak tsiqah, apa pun tak jadi :(

betullah, it takes years to build, a second to break and a life-time to fix. kalaulah it can be fixed.


p/s:

2weeks before the practicum end. insyaAllah will be having the last observation on this wednesday. pray for me  people :)..
life as a student will be back very sooon..

Hati

ada yang bertanya "bukankah syaitan terusir dengan zikir? ku lazimkan berwirid namun masih terasa hadir.." Jawab Al-Ghazali, "kau bisa menghalau anjing tapi ia akan tetap datang jika ada aroma tulang. Walau zikir tidak henti, syaitan akan tetap datang kembali selama hati kotor dan dengki.."

susah kan nak jaga hati? huhu
susah tak susah, kena jugak jaga! yeahh!

School mode: off

i know that ive been bragging about how calm i was for the prac two weeks ago. but things do not seem to fall into places today. everything seems so wrong! i never had this kind of heavy feelings about going to school...until today. i was really really hard on myself. i woke up early but i decided to not just really wake up until it was quite late. i prepared the lesson half heartedly and im really in the mood of raya still. i miss home. after 2 years been away for raya, this is supposed to be the time. i need a longer hols. kbye. whining. the main thing is, the class was a disaster just now. i need to start up my engine fast. tmrw and the next day got observation.


Ya Allah, keep me calm and cool and stay positive and kind and nice and not a hypocrite and a lover.
Ya Allah, pls help me and my friends esp the one who texted me just now for she is having the same problem as mine. Keep the students and us cool :D

because im a teacher the painter, the students are my canvas. once painted, no matter how hard you try to clean it, there are still gonna leave some stains on it. be good syamim. gambatte!

Ruuuu

tonite's post is dedicated to my rumet :)

dear rumet, it's always a pleasure to see you doing so well in ur prac. i dont know whether you even realise it or not, but you seem to enjoy doing all these prac stuffs more than you think, perhaps. you're singing at 1 am while doing the lesson plan, isnt it a good sign, rite?

i remember before we started the prac, we promised to be strong and keep calm through the prac. and yeah! we did it. it has just been a month of prac but i think we went through a lot of things, kan..

but, this Ramadhan, my double pleasure to see you is when i woke up in the middle of night just to see you were praying, im not sure, guess it gotta be tahajud. then, to see you did dhuha prayer, lots of quran recitation, it really touched me.

just wanna say, im proud of you. and i pray to Allah, to keep you in company and make you a strong girl and to keep istiqamah in whatever good things you're doing.

p/s: cicak cicak cicak :P

owh esok sekolah, skolah, nite2 penang.

malam Ramadhan 24..

;B

i know ive said this thousands, millions timesss. but, again, I MISS SYDNEY! Ramadhan in Sydney had thought me a lot of things and i just couldnt think Malaysia would somehow replace those experiences ive gained over there.

Some of the facts that i remember about the Ramadhan there..

I still remember...

1) the very first time i took the decision to wear my hijab full time..it wasnt an easy decision i must admit. for me, to wear the hijab would absolutely mean 'im a new person, dont judge me'.. it means that I AM A COMMITTED MUSLIM and not just a muslim by name, and to be a muslim among the non-muslims is kinda a heavy job. people around me are looking at me as a muslim and not only some foreigner student. but the feeling to wear the hijab among the non-muslims was undescribeable. it was awesome kind of feeling, i was so proud with my hijab and AM still proud of it :).

2)how baitul warith would always celebrating the 30 days of Ramadhan.. it was superb. i have never had the kind of overwhelmed feeling to celebrate Ramadhan beforehand. when i say Ramadhan, it is not the bazaar and the food..but rather the sense of Allah's mercy surrounds me. it is so calming, i remember how i started to feel that terawih is a MUST or more like COMPULSORY to me. i did it because i really want it. not that i was forced! and baitul warith was a place where ive always set a high target like ' yeah, im up for the challenge to finish the whole Quran this Ramadhan' though i never did, but yeah, the effort and spirit that count ;D

3) did i say that ramadhan is not about the food? well, not really actually.. i love oz's food. i love the kebab and i love everything about the fish and chips, chicken schnitzel, pide, pizza etc etc etc <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">

4) this is the time when we mingled a lot more with the other muslims from different background as we did our iftar together in the musolla if we happened to have class at that time. the arabs, the indonesians, the pakistanis and all. i miss them really, even we're not close. 

Tazmazia, Tasmania..

well, i actually know that there are a lot more than these but i just couldnt write more. gotta go to bed now. big day tomorrow ---> siapkan teaching aids dan lesson plan perlukan tidur yg cukup, tenaga yg banyak..

tonite is the 23rd nite of ramadhan..

Ya Allah, temukanlah kami dgn laitatulqadar MU

Allahumma innaka 'awuffun kareem, tuhibbul 'afwa fa'fu annee :)

p/s: doakan kami~

:D

The only person that i need to be right now is the better me than yesterday. Seriously, i don't need comparison :) but for all, thank you!

Bismillah utk hari2 practicum seterusnya! yoshhh kame kame haaa

At times I feel that the sun is hidden by a hazy sky

And the lights around me hide the moon at night

I know that you are closer than the veins that keep me living

Cause all around me I feel your mercy

Subhanallah <3

p/s: meeting jenny and pamela really makes me feel better :)

Wahan

ini cerita tentang seorang budak perempuan, dia nie boleh tahanlah rajin jugak solat diawal waktu.. kalau tgh buat esaimen ke, tgok tv ke, tgh shopping ke, terus dia berhenti jap sebab nak solat. yelah, solat awal kan baik, lepas solat siap2, byk benda lain boleh buat, boleh makan, tgok bola, main netball, sambung shopping dan macam2 lagilah..- dia cakap.

tapi, satu hari ditakdirkan satu barang berharga dia rosak. lama dia cuba repair barang dia tu. lamaaaa sgt dia rasa dah tak sabar. barang tu sgt berharga dan sgt penting dan sgt urgent! dari malam semalam dia cuba, hari nie cuba lagi..tak jugak elok2..'Ya Allah, dugaan apa nie?, dahlah baru beli yang baru sebab yang dulu rosak..pastu nak rosak lagi ke?' 

dia tak berhenti, cuba jugak repair. mmg tak boleh. nak putus asa, tapi tak boleh. sebab baru beli. sampailah hari ini, dari lepas zohor smpai ke asar dia cuba lagi, tak tidur  sekejap pun walaupun mengantuk di tahap dewa dah. tapi bila nak dekat asar tu, ngantuknya tak terkawal, sabarnya tak tertahan, dia pun ambil keputusan utk tidur tanpa bersolat asar; sedangkan azan baru saja berkumandang...dia kata, dia penat, kenapa Allah tak tolong dia? kenapa rosakkan barang dia? kenapa? kenapa? kenapa? byk sgt kenapa smpai dia rasa kecewa. dia ambil keputusan utk tidak solat asar (yet) sebab marah sgt, ngantuk sgt, tak sabar sgt.. :(- kesian dia, wahan dah mengikat hati dia!!!! Allah :( kesian sgt kat dia...

lepas tu, dia terbangun tidur ada org kejutkan dia, tanya pasal barang berharga dia..dia bangun merungut2 barang dia rosak. (sedihnya, dah dapat hidup semula pun taknak Alhamdulillah :(..) orang tadi tu, tgok2 barang dia, tadaaaaa, dalam masa kurang dari 20 minit, barang dia dah sembuh! dah boleh pakai! dia suka sgt, dia happy, dia sebut Alhamdulillah...

***************************************

nak tgok ar-rahman ar-rahim nya Allah tu, hambaNya tak solat pun lagi, siap marah2, siap merungut2, dari sebelum tidur smpai bangun tidur...tapi, Dia hantar seseorang utk tolong hamba Dia tu.. Dia biar hamba dia gembira, Dia buat hambaNya semyum lagi..

tapi budak perempuan tu, apa balasannya kepada Maha Pengasih?

p/s: dicengkam wahan. tak tahulah org lain macam mana. tapi keadaan sgt kritikal, genting, sabar dah kurang, amal merosot..memang patutlah kau syamim. 

sesi muhasabah dan mujahadah

week 2

mungkin, praktikum kini, adalah masa utk ak mula kembali mencari diri,

menilai sejauh mana tarbiyah yg cuba digenggam erat- membawa kesan, atau hanya omong kosong.

praktikum kini, perang yang bukan perang fizikal. tapi perang mental,

sejauh mana ak bersedia utk menempuh fasa baru dalam kehidupan.

masih bergelar pelajar, masih bujang, janganlah mengeluh panjang.

mungkin nanti, sudah berkerjaya, berkeluarga, perangnya bakalan lebih panjang,

tak nampak penghujung.

dugaan kita berbeda2, tapi, sakit utk empunya badan mungkin sama saja.

jadi, jangan putus asa.

sabarlah. inikan baru minggu kedua :)

p/s: curi2 masa update blog. sibuk betul dengan duniawi. sabtu nie dah ramadhan, harap dipermudahkan utk menambah pahala berganda bonus. yeahh strive for it!

duhhh

it has been a week of practicum. out of the room as early as 6.30am and coming back as late as 5.00pm has made me drain out of energy. i have a lot to say but i just cant write many now, because school gives me fever and cold and sore throat. im so pathetic T__T.

Ya Allah, keep me strong and healthy.

Tonight

Tonight, i predict myself will barely sleep with closed eyes. I predict that im not gonna have a 'good-night-sleep' before it's even started. The practicum. It's tomorrow T.T..and i have this very overwhelming feeling right now that i feel like my heart is going to explode real soon. BOOOOOM! ahhhhh. im so terrified. The fact that my heart berbolak balik less than in a blink of an eyes is quite expected but im just not ready for it yet. oh no. i feel like "oh no, im gonna die". okay, big lol for me. i wake up this morning with lots of thinking

of what im gonna do tmrw? 

what should i bring? 

should i prepare a pre-lesson plan? 

what im going to wear? 

what kind of teacher should i be, the fun one or really fierce? 

can i even be a fierce teacher? duhhh

should i even bring the teaching aids on the first day?

 what time should i wake up for tmrw? 

what im gonna do with my small voice? 

will the students mock my voice? 

ahhhh. the thinking does not seem to stop till now. those silly questions and answers session in my head is doing no good. then i remember,

haha. stop worrying syamim. because the only thing i should be doing now is waiting. JUST WAIT. tp penantian itu satu penyeksaan.haha

okay, though i expect the worst to come for this prac, im just gonna try to enjoy it and beat the pressure professionally.

hasbunallah wa nikmal wakeel <3 cukuplah Allah sebagai penolong dan sebaik2 pelindung. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan Syamim dan Haziqa Anis serta seluruh manusia lain yang sedang berusaha dan bertarung dalam segala apa jenis bentuk pun. Kerana praktikum kali ini adalah salah satu perang utk kami, Ya Allah, berilah kemenangan utk kami, tenangkan hati kami, tautkan hati, lembutkan hati anak2 murid kami, supervisor kami dan guru pembimbing kami, berkatilah masa kami, redhailah usaha kami sebagai pendidik anak bangsa.

Semoga Engkau redha dgn usaha kecil kami.

NAK JADI HEBAT KENA SABAR!

things ive been doing lately is to constantly remind myself that everything that surrounds me is the tarbiyyah. for me to be better, to be more considerate, to have more patient, and foremost is to make me closer to Him. never regret. Ya Allah, make my heart grow stronger, tougher and healthier. People, make du'a for me plsss :)

p/s: to monologue is my pure talent

practicum is next week. this blog could turn out to be a teacher's- to-be  reflection thingy.

.

:(
so i sad, im frustrated, i cried huhu
and i keep on thinking bout the things i hate the most.
tp fikir balek, i should never think about it. 
what for if it's only gonna bring more negative aura in me..
haishh.
so today, i decided to let it go.
im not gonna be sad, but be AWESOME instead! yeah!
sebab Dia ar-rahman, ar-rahim :)

p/s: datang dengan harapan, pulang dengan kejayaan! YOSHHH!

;D

dear friends,

tho i might not be the one to text you or call you everyday, but pls know that i remember you guys in my prayer everyday :) Wish to hold hands with you guys there, in Jannah ;D

:]

Sekitar Pilihanraya Presiden Mesir :

Mereka (A) bertanya kepada (B)

A : bagaimana kamu memilih Muhammad Mursi sedangkan kamu kristian?

B : Jadi siapa yg sepatutnya aku pilih?

A : Ahmad Syafiq !

B : mengapa ?

A : Apakah kamu tak dengar bahawa dia berjanji akan menghapuskan ayat al-Quran dalam silibus pembelajaran ?

B : Memang aku dengar. Sebab itulah aku memilih Muhammad Mursi!

A : Kenapa pula(pelik)?

B : "sesiapa yg tidak menjaga agamanya, tidak mungkin akan menjaga agama aku ( kristian )"


taken from: Kelab IKRAM Mesir

macam mana nak jaga agama? start dengan SOLAT. SOLAT. :)

mind rant 2

tahukah anda?

kini, setiap kali mendengar berita di tv, ada saja kes bunuh dan kebanyakannya sebab dendam! grudge! manusia, kenapa biarkan marah dah dendam menguasai diri? mengapa biarkan diri kita dikawal syaitan? sedangkan ramai juga tahu yang marah itu kalau tidak dikawal, ibaratnya dicurah2nya minyak ke dalam api, makin kuat maraknya!

kenapa sampai berbunuh? mungkin sahaja terasuk melihat banyak pembunuhan di middle east. tp mereka berjuang utk agama. ini pulak bunuh sesama agama. Astagfirullah. kenapa ye? belum cukup byk kekacauan ke, dalam dunia nie? perlukah tambah? ades.

there is a saying, 'holding a grudge is like drinking a poison and waiting for your enemy to die'... holding ur grudge will just kill urself in the end. it's eating you up. I know that sometimes it is so hard to be patient but to berlapang dada is the way. try to channel ur anger to something more beneficial or thru sports which i found is really good in making you feel better.


indeed, whoever isnt showing mercy to others, Allah then will not show mercy to them! Allahuakbar. do you want the ar-rahman ar-rahim to show you no mercy?

forgive and forget.
forgive and forget.
forgive and forget.

a reminder for me for i've always holding grudge. Astagfirullah.

maafkan mereka sebelum tidur. and hopefully they forgive me too :(



p/s: krisis umat tenat. utk org veteran pun buat rancangan menyanyi realiti. i just dont get this people  >:( ... marah.

23

firstly,

jazakunallahu khairan kathira for all the nice and beautiful wishes for my birthday, everyone. it was indeed a reminder and also a force for me to be a better person at this time of age. huhu. 23 is quite a big number right? im feeling it..im feeling it.. it feels like a huge stone is put on me. but im guessing the imaginary stone is never gonna beat bilal's ;)

                                                       **********************

secondly,

i really miss macquarie :( this time it is as specific as macquarie and not sydney as a whole, probably because i spent most of my time there. hehe..i just really miss my route back from the library to baitul warith. to walk pass by the greens kat belakang library, rumah orang tua, the bus stop, woollies especially, every night in the cold.. really, i miss those moments. i would always walk out of the library and look up to the sky and kinda talk alone to myself while walking to gain some comfort. and occasionally, i have a cute friend who literally accompanied me back home or just through the phone :)..

emmm, im not sure whether i miss the place or the people..haihhh

                                                  *******************************


thirdly,

im so disappointed right now. sgt kecewa T______T. it doesnt really end up well. T_____________T.


p/s: Ya Allah, ajarlah ak biar meletak harapan hanya padaMu :(

Makcik

Last nite, on my way back from Bukit Bendera, i saw a very self-reflecting scene. Well, i couldn't deny that im learning to look at something from 'a' perspective nowadays since i used to be someone who looked at something with an empty thought. it was pathetic not to have something to think though. i wanna be critical and empathic now ;) hehe.

we stop the car at the red light. next to us is a Chinese restaurant. Yeah, Penang has tonnes of Chinese restaurant and i am someone who is very very emmm let say, very much uncomfortable and sensitive when it comes to food thingy which is to be specific it if has to do with the chinese food n restaurant. im sorry, but the chinese do love to eat 'that' animal, right? and i know this because i have few chinese friends. i think, there are many people like me who cant even walk pass by a chinese restaurant. i remember last time that we had to pass by a chinese restaurant to get to the line clear's mamak. i hold my breath as long as i can so that at least i wont get to smell anything from the restaurant. i know this sound like racist, but really, i am not a racist.

back to the story, apparently, in the chinese restaurant there was someone in baju kurung complete with hijab in the restaurant. She was sitting on a very small bench in the middle of the restaurant and was doing some dishes. it was really a heart-breaking moment that i felt like crying and even feel like crying while typing this. i cant help but thinking that life must be treating her tough and rough. to be able to sit there must take a whole courage and strength. her determination moved me :'(. that mak cik could be someone like me in the very beginning but decided to survive her life and do whatever it takes to live.

it made me thinking.

bapelah anak makcik tu eh? mesti ramai kot..

bape gaji makcik tu eh?.

mak cik mesti dah try cari keje kat kedai melayu, kan?huhu

after working in such condition, i think that makcik is very strong. the fact that she stills wearing her hijab and baju kurung to cover her aurah is an amazing thing. She can choose to not to wear hijab and even wear like the others in the restaurant and pretend like she's one of them and no one outside, observers, like me would notice her. but yet she chooses to be proud of her islam. Wah, makcik, anda sungguh ghuraba'!

syabas makcik! 

Dari Rasulullah s.a.w; islam itu dalam keadaan dagang (asing) dan akan kembali dagang (asing). maka beruntunglah orang yang dagang..

                                                                                                        H.R Muslim

p/s: i wanna be ghuraba' too. tp nak jadi ghuraba' kene kuat! nak jadi kuat kenelah pegang tali Allah erat2 :D

Small

i sometimes just look at the trees and not the forest. concerning over small things, that i miss it as a whole.   and that is when life's becoming miserable -_-"... but really, small things really matter, no? how could you make a plain bread when you use wholemeal flour with bits of wheat? though the wheat are small, but it changes the whole bread taste and even look!

roti sedappp

So, small things matter.

Perhaps, the same thing goes to our heart. When we decided to change and become someone better, it's best for us to leave out the rest of the bad things we used to do, so that the heart is not contaminated. We cant possibly be real good when we still hve pieces of jahiliyah in us. yeah, that's the hardest part, and i dont really think that there's anyone one earth except for the prophet who could actually be free from the jahiliyah. and jahiliyah could be big and could be small. and even the smallest one would give at least the slightest impact on our life. for me, i wanna sleep less. though it's kinda small, but it really affects my daily life routines. i hate it. xpelah, at least i am willing to give it a try. try kan. efforts that count!



 hehe PEACE ^.^

Hope

orang kata,

"kalau mahu dikecewakan, letaklah harapan pada manusia.."

kerana manusia hatinya tak tetap, keputusannya boleh berubah-ubah, mood nya berayun-ayun, lalu, memang sukar untuk setia pada satu pilihan dan jawapan. Tentu ada saja kalau-kalaunya, pasti kalau bukan sekarang, esok lusa mungkin juga tulat keputusannya berubah...tentu bukan semua begini, tapi ramai.

"sudah dikabarkan hatinya berbolak-balik. tapi kenapa masih bergantung harap?" -meletakkan Yang Satu itu nombor dua..ahh, nama pun nombor satu, kenapa mesti dipinda kebelakang? manusia, suka berbuat suka hati saja. manusia, itu aku. ak sedang monolog dalaman. bercakap tentang lemahnya diri, futur diri ak makin kejauhan. ditinggalkan jauh kebelakang dalam arus yang patutnya ak lari kedepan, kejar! bukan menonggok bak batu karang. "Sulit ya situasi ini... bila bermain dgn hati".

ak melihat, ak merasa terjatuh dalam kawah yang amat dalam, gelap tika ini..ada ketulan keras dalam diri. ketulan yang menentukan baik jahatnya aku. dan keras itu bersamaan dengan jahat, kan?

****************

tapi, yang pasti, ak manusia. lalu aku ingin meletak harapan pada diri sendiri, biar saja aku mungkin akan kecewa lagi. kecewa dengan diri sendiri kerana tidak memenuhi tuntutan rohani, menzalimi diri sendiri. tapi tetaplah tidak salah utk ak meletak harapan yang tinggi tapi logik lagi realistik! Ini harapan ak..one and only. Redha dan syurga Allah. Indeed, janjiNya benar. Lalu, kayu ukurnya mujahadah dan istiqamah!

“Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): “Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan-perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa sesungguhnya Dialah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani.”

Az Zumar: 53

jgn. jgn putus asa!

Weird

weird.

 i feel weird.

everything seems so weird.

im a weirdo :(

i dont feel normal.

my heart beats faster than ever!

im not sure, but i must be thinking of something.

and i think i need to tell this something to someone.

but i just find no one to tell this something.

which actually i dont even know what is this something.

:(

Hujan

teringin nak jadi macam hujan..

amukannya menghasilkan air,

sejuk, basah, lepas dengar guruh,

terus tak jadi marah..

teringin nak jadi hujan..

amukannya memuntahkan pelangi..

pelangi yang warna-warni.

semua yang memandang pasti tak lelah..

teringin nak jadi macam hujan.

dengar bunyi je dah rasa nyaman,

rasa segar, rasa tenang..

ahhh indahnya bunyi hujan.

teringin nak jadi macam hujan.

walau ada yang membenci,

dia tetap turun lagi,

tp bukan utk kepentingan sendiri..

kenapa ramai yang tak sedar ini? :(


Selamat Hari Ibu <3


rain makes everything better


p/s: :(

kalau sebenarnya, tarbiyah itu melembutkan hati, tapi kenapa jadi begini? :(

Bekal

ibu selalu excited bila suruh tgok shahir keluar kat TV. adesss. and that's not one of my favourite things to do -_-".. tp, his saying at that time struck me...

"Dalam satu perjalanan, untuk menuju ke destinasi, kita akan perlukan bekalan. Kita cari bekalan dan bawa bekalan itu sampailah kita selamat tiba ke destinasi. Tapi kadang-kadang, bekalan kita tu habis dan sering kali tercicir ditengah jalan. Bila sedar akan kehilangan bekal tu, mungkin kita patut patah balik, cari semula bekalan yang keciciran tu, utk smpai ke destinasi.."

that's not exactly his words but the gist is there. he makes me thinking...rasanya kene kutip balek kot bekalan tu, barulah boleh berpicnic later on! tp, in a way nak kutip balek pun ada caranya. kene track back our way then only we could find it. as for me, bekalan tu, sebenarnya, dah tertinggal....tertinggal kat sydney T.T. owhh kene balek sydney kot?? heh.

p/s: home and away ;)

malam nie bulan besarr! Bulan, smpaikan salam rindu eh hehehe

Right

Life is about making choice. and it's not just about making choice, but making The right choice.

and we sometimes could be so indecisive that leave us to make no choice at all. Thinking as if there is a middle path.

Sedangkan sudah diberitahu, hanya ada dua jalan, yg benar atau yang salah, yang kanan atau yang kiri. Tegarnya kita, egonya kita memilih utk berada ditengah-tengah. Tengah-tengah, yang langsung tidak disebut tentangnya. Berada dalam state of denial which is the act of refusing to choose.

Under the blanket,

everything is blurry,

everything is fake.

To stay in that state,

to immerse in the haze,

you can't see clearly,

you barely can gaze.

you can always listen,

but why pretending like a deaf?

are we just looking, but not seeing?

are we just hearing, but not listening?

are we reading and yet refuse to understand?

acting like you dont care?

so, is it right or is it left?

p/s: kompleks. 

Effortless

Effortless.

Tak de effort.

and yet expecting things are going to run the way you expect.

you made prediction from the start.

your prediction now hits the bull's eye!

no effort, no good result.

no practise, tergagap-gagap. duhhh

should i even be a teacher?

all the blames are to be put on you.

bukankah Allah dah pesan, Dia takkan mengubah apa yg ada pada sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubahnya sendiri..

one more chance. GO FOR IT!

practise makes perfect. you know your weakness, work for it! make it worth :)

Bismillah.

Ili

Bungkam, kaku..Ili terlalu kecewa. kecewa dengan manusia, diberi bunga tapi dibaling tahi. sigh.
'apa lagi yang ak nak buat nie?, macam2 dah try. penat tau', mengomel Ili seorang. Dunia dirasakan tiada makna. Dirasakan terlalu menghampakan. Lalu, Ili mengambil keputusan untuk berdiam diri, memendam semua dalam hati.

'Eh Ili, bangunnn..bangunlahhh. Sampai bile nak berkurung macam nie?'. Hari nie, dah nak dekat seminggu Ili tak keluar rumah. Masa habis dalam bilik. Tido, selubung diri, solat jemaah dibawah pun dia tak turut serta. Ili, sensitif sangat orangnya, cepat benar makan hati. Usikan rakan-rakan yang kerap mengajuknya, cemburunya dia pada rakan baiknya, senyuman tak berbalas, jelingan mata yang penuh tajam dipahat dalam-dalam, dipeluk erat-erat, diambil bulat-bulat. Dirasakan tiada siapa yang peduli perasaannya. Sakit hati katanya. Jenuh mempersoalkan penatnya jadi orang baik. Tp kenapa sume orang buat jahat jugak?

"Baiklah, kalau macam nie, aku tanak kawan ngan sesape, buek peghabeh bogheh je..biar ak duduk sorang-sorang, esaimen sorang-sorang, makan sorang-sorang, jalan sorang-sorang, biar tenang sikit, takde nak sakit hati, pfffttt"

mungkin Ili lupe,

Seorang muslim, apabila dia menggauli manusia, dan bersabar dengan karenah atau ragam mereka, adalah lebih baik dari seorang muslim yang tidak menggauli manusia dan tidak sabar dengan karenah mereka.  -  (HR TIRMIZI)

Boleh je nak sorang-sorang, tp jangan lama sangat, takut jatuh terus. Sebab dengan bersama manusia, kita belajar hidup. Dengan manusia kita kutip pahala, pahala sabar, besar tuu. Boleh jugak dapat dosa, tp dah tau nie, xkan xnak sabar kot? Kutiplahh. kutiplah pahala tuu. Semoga dengan kebersamaan, kita makin dapat mengenal manusia, belajar keunikan manusia.

Sesungguhnya, Allah dah jadikan kita manusia bersuku-suku utk kita saling mengenal, best kan?

waterloo park :)

p/s: great times, cherish it. bad times, reflects and be happy that you experienced it :))) Alhamdulillah

Time's up

The time is up.

i've always knew that it's over.

it was true that it wont last!

so long, goodbye.


p/s: i learnt that the dunya attachment is just going to hurt you. by hook or by crook, it is just going to hurt. Belajarlah, pergantungan hanya pada yang Satu :)

whine?

Bismillah..

A: i feel horrible today!

B: maybe, you've been a horrible slave?

sentap. 

to whine and keep on whining, manusia kan?

maybe, it's about time for us especially me to reflect. 

why bother asking for a good day when you don't even bother to serve the Giver?

#takmaluke? duhhh

p/s: light up our world with du'a :)

Warrior

One thousand reasons to cry out
Is that a life?
A thousand reasons to smile, I tell you why
Consolation to you tears I'ma light up your way


*************************

God never promised you days without pain
Laughter without sorrow 
Sun without rain
But He did promise strength for you every day

Still in Tears!! Oh how can I not be sad
For my guidance was
Was upon your hands
Wrapped around, I pray, I pray you understand

**********

From my mother I learned
Never is too late
That's its always possible to start out again
You may feel you've stopped but you're just on your way

p/s: the lyrics are just meaningful. teaches about life. about how we should face life, and to Allah only we hang and place our hope :)


cry out to Him, He loves that :)  

Cat

BEWARE!

cat attack!!

haha i cant believe that all the cats are affected by the news that they were about to be brought to Hammer Bay- utk keamanan sejagat. Seriously, right after the announcement made by Cikgu Kamil, all the cats went mad!

Their poops are everywhere and everyday. yes, they do poo everywhere and everyday, but this time around, all of its are visible, seen and right in front of our rooms- i mean my friends' room. and i just cant believe that i've seen that 2days in a row, right when i woke up for fajr. not really a good start, no?

*********************************

Cerita pasal kucing, teringat yg rasulullah sgt sukakan kucing! meoww :)

Hurmm, teringat jugak kak diana cerita macam mana cat steven memeluk islam. Secara ringkasnya:

Suatu hari, abg si Cat Steven nie pergi ke Jerusalem lalu dia menjumpai al-Quran.

Dia duduk membacanya dan ckp,

"well, dis is good"

So, he brought back the Quran and met Cat Steven who was at that time

was just saved miraculously from drowning.

Before Cat Steven was saved, he prayed that if he's saved from this,

he'll make sure to commit and to help with the religion.

Suddenly, a big wave pushed him to the beach and he was saved.

Yet, he still didn't know what and how and didn't find a way to help with the religion after the incident.

And that's the time when his brother get back from Jerusalem with the Quran.

the brother said. " dis is beautiful, the language is amazing"...

As he read through the Quran, he felt so overwhelming.

Starting from that he learn the Quran and worship Allah.

Now, he is Yusuf Islam :)

so, apa bezanya abang dengan adik tu?

sorang baca dengan akal, sorang baca dengan hati...

Baca dengan hati, masuk dalam hati, hadirkan hati kita bila baca. Hayati bait2 indah kalam itu..letakkan diri, fahami situasi. utk faham, baca terjemahan jgn lupa. There's no use reading it without trying to understand it. then, try to apply it. We're so gonna be a good muslim. im struggling to be one too. But trust me, baca, faham, amal, itu kunci kejayaan ummah :)

Rotorua- pokok merah :D

p/s: winter is almost there.

- 1 month and a week. living without fesbuk, i hope im cured from the addiction :)

- not anymore a twitter addict :)

- *dialog dalam cerita adalah rekaan* but roughly, that is the story told to me.

- people, jom join usrah!

Peace be upon you ;)

metacognitive

figure 1

despite all the hectic-ness im living in now, i found it irresistibly calming for me to write. coz i know that would be one time when i wouldnt even have time to write at all. let say, when i start my practical next semester. okay, maybe it's not really a buzy life im living in right now. maybe, it's just me who make up stories about how busy my life is. lol. should i?

well, have you read that, figure 1? *penangan research project* yeah, it says if you took a risk and no matter how it will end up, you'll never regret it coz at least you know you'll end up that way. and these few months, i've been up thinking about things that i regret not doing back in my last 2years. i regret T.T. i regret it so much that i cry sometimes thinking about it. coz i will never know what will happen if it take the chance :(

i regret. why didnt i take the chance back then?

it was in front of me. right in front of my eyes.

why was i so rebellious, so hard, blind perhaps?

what makes me shutting off my eyes? arghhh

and i keep on thinking, if only i had one more year, i will take the chance. i will make it right. maybe, i'll be stronger. but, sadly, i dont have it. i dont have another year for it. all i have now is everything i have here.

*this is when metacognivite applies*

to think back again, that is all not my job. it's The above's job and all i have to do is to obey it. the fate and destiny that had brought me here and for everything that last back then had made me who i am today.

never regret.

it must be the best ever plan He planned for me. maybe, if i were to take the so-called-chance last time, i wouldnt be the person i am today. and there are only 2 possibilities which i could be better (which i think make sense) or even WORST. and that's the scary part of life, coz you can never predict the future.

again, in reflecting my not-yet-long life journey for the time being, i think, i should not think anymore about this thing *tongue twister kehkeh*. tak elokkan berkalau-kalau. berkalau-kalau tu kan mainan syaitan. and i better off here and stop thinking about my own thinking. owh, metacognitive is giving me a hardtime sometimes -_-"

p/s: i wanna stop babbling in my mind. duhhh.

Ya Allah, ak hanya mampu bersangka baik dgnMu :) sesungguhnya, Kau sebaik-baik perancang :)))

suka

Bismillahhirrahmanirrahim

biasa, kalau solat berdua je dngan bujang, mesti borak2 pjg lepas solat. ada yg merepek, ada jugak yg tak. tp biasa lepas solat, things get a bit serious, sometimes bout our problems and all..

sehari tu, bujang cerita pasal umar (cant believe that bujang likes umar too -_-")

klaka cite nie ;)

suatu hari, rasulullah merasa pelik melihat umar yg sedang duduk, tiba2 menangis dan ketawa sendirian.. lalu baginda bertanya kepada umar "wahai umar, kenapa kau

menangis lepas tu ketawa pula lepas tu?"

umar pun cakap..

" owhh, ak menangis kerana teringatkan di zaman jahiliyah ku,

ketika ak sedang penat menggali tanah utk menanam anak perempuanku,

anak perempuanku yg innocent tiba2 mengelap peluhku dan membuang pasir2 di bajuku..dan ak masih menanam dia setelah itu.. :("

"kemudian ak ketawa kerana teringatkan di zaman jahiliyahku juga,

ak telah menjadikan kurma sebagai tuhanku di sewaktu perjalanan..

tp kemudian ak lapar, lalu ak makan tuhanku itu..-_-"

teringatkan 2 cerita ini, umar pun menangis dan ketawa sendiri ;) kekekeke

**********************************

with amanda, last class, X5B :)

alhamdulillah tsummal hamdulillah

berjaya hantar rp and im on the cloud nine hehehe

rp is the worst ever assignment i had ever had! * errr, shouldnt say that, am i?*

whatever it is, it's done. just wait for the result and hopefully i could be grateful

afterall, efforts that count, aint it?

i just finish watching shrek 4. and i cant help myself to not, to not into the movie! *catchy nye to not to not* it was like WHATTTT. it's like im learning life from it. cant be much grateful to be able to learn from movies. some of the im-learning-life- movies are kungfu panda and this shrek 4...

shrek 4 taught me that no matter how hard ur life is, you just have to face it. look at it positively, it is you to make the change, no one else. you make the decision and you have to pay for it. dont make hassle and emotional decision, take control of urself. dont easily get mad. *self-reminder*

and remember rasulullah advise,

la taghdab, la taghdab, la taghdab..

jgn marah, jgn marah, jgn marah, sabar, sabar, sabar :)

p/s: joe reminds me a lot of william de jean and my fav lecturer, jean brick.. i miss going to the lectures to escape from 'boredom' and just to have fun. yes, i used to go to william's lect to escape doing assignment and to release the negative aura. the class was always full of positive people. METACOGNITIVE, CORNELL NOTES~ teringat main petik2 jari bagai ekekeke :))) - joe, you shouldnt have reminded me. sigh.

but that's alright, here is fun too. if not, we make it fun, okay? :)

Bulan

mengeluh ak sendiri lagi malam ini.

melihat langit,

menanti bulan..

mana bulan?

kenapa tak muncul?

sayu ak terus menanti..

langit gelap. gelita.

merangkak terasa.

meraba mencari.

mana cahaya?

bila kan bersinar?

mencari bulan..

mana bisa ak jumpa tika ini..

tika hati ada titik2 ragu,

tika 'pelik' ada dalam diri.

adeihh rasa,

sila pergi,

matahari! cepatlah muncul, ak ingin pagi.

masa

sekarang nie musim esaimen..

sebenarnya, bila jadi student, every season is assignments' season... hoyeahhh

i have always thought that the messier the table, the brilliant the person is...

so, i put on some effort to make my table look as messy (yet in an educated way) as possible kehkehkeh *sepah pun perlu effort ke? :P *

revolution..

my second house back in MUV..bilik no.1 ;)

my first room back in Baitul Warith

-_-" comics, story books, toys and bottles? are dominating

closer look -lah sgt :P

latest. in pala.

we had a program yesterday (jumaat & sabtu). it took one whole day and everyone was so tired and it was just so obvious in their eyes. and we still have an assignment to be submitted on Monday and most of us havent started anything yet!

but, as much as i believe that they believe too that Allah will help us, indeed He never fails to fulfil His promise, i did it on time. finish at 12am ;D

make time for Allah, He will surely make time for you :)))

as for me, ive always prayed for Allah to barakah my time.."Ya Allah, berkatilah masaku"

masa itu ibarat pedang, andai tersalah cucuk, mmg xboleh ditarik balek. #sukahatije hehe

p/s: JOM!!!

xde motif letak gambar2 tu..ak mmg suke reminiscing2 nie :(

owhh, ak sgt suka nak ingtkan diri and most of us utk balance. balance study n dnt. one cant move without one another!

understand

i just come back from that particular event at USM. it was my first time to join that kind of event but it wasnt my first time going to USM. and now, i could totally relate this hadith:

*senyum lebarrrrrrr yg baerbaur tidak ikhlas* yes, i could totally relate.

p/s: if you really don't wanna be sieved, adapt!!

2 oral reflections to kakak riang need to be settled.

expectation

there's no way i get to say this in a better words. so, i C&P :)

************************

being okay with things as they are...

We strive to improve our lives, often because we are dissatisfied with how things are. I know this, because I’ve lived it.

I don’t like the way I look, so I try to improve myself. I don’t like my house, so I work to get a better one. I want everyone around me to improve too, so I push them to change, and get frustrated when they won’t.

This striving never ends. When we are unsatisfied with how things are, including ourselves, we make changes, but then what? We are still unsatisfied, because the root cause of this problem isn’t the things around us (or how we look, etc.), but our expectations. We expect things to be different.

This means we are always unhappy in some way. Things don’t meet our expectations. We try to correct this problem by changing the world around us, trying to get others to change, trying to change ourselves. Our compulsion to spend, to consume, to buy more stuff … it’s rooted in this as well. And so minimalism is an attempt to fix the compulsion, but that can really only be done once we address the root problem: our expectations.

Sit for a minute and look at the things around you. Are you happy with them, or would you like things to change? Think about what you do each day, and ask if you’re happy with your daily life, or if you’d like change. Think about the people in your life, and ask if you’re happy with them, or if you’d like them to change. Think about yourself, and see if there are things you’re dissatisfied with, if you’d like to change yourself.

Now, for each thing you think needs change, try sitting for a minute and see if you can simply accept each one, as they are right now. See if you can accept each person in your life for who they are, exactly as they are. See if you can accept your body for what it is, without the need for change. It takes practice, so if you aren’t good at it at first (and I’m still not a master at it myself), practice. It’s an enlightening process, to be sure.

This doesn’t mean we’ll never change anything. We can develop healthy habits and make our bodies healthier over time, but we can do that while also being happy with who we already are. Change is inevitable, but it doesn’t necessarily require that we not accept things as they are, that we not be happy with things as they already are.

Once we become happy with things, people, and ourselves … as they are … we can become whole, without the need to spend money to fill a hole in our lives. Then minimalism becomes a possibility, because once we are OK with things as they are, we can simply strip away the unnecessary, and be content with little.

credit: akh ammar, mnmlist